But God...

Towards the start of this year I really started thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. I really began to realize that vocational ministry was not for me. So I though of ways to use the “gifts” I have of being an anal, organized, task-oriented, results-driven kind of person and decided i wanted to become a teacher. My freshman year of college a TFA corps member came and presented in one of my classes. I fell in love with the though of becoming a teacher without having to change my major…I went to Baylor knowing that I wanted to study FORENSIC SCIENCE so that’s what I did. And now that TFA was offering me the opportunity to  continue to pursue that and be able to teach I thought it was a match made in heaven… long story short, I graduated, got a little "side-tracked" did the (ministry-minded) Kanakuk Institute, then went to work for (ministry-minded) Ventana discipling girls and then signed a 3 year contract with (ministry-minded) K-life. My energy meter continues to plummet as I’m doing "relationship" all day every day and the “tasker” within suffers. As my last year with K-Life is coming to a close I thought I’d apply to TFA so that I could get my fix. A little people here,  a little task there and I’m good to go…all the people around me were saying that I’d make a great teacher and if TFA didn’t choose me who knows what kind of person they look for… SHOWS HOW MUCH THEY KNOW… TFA didn’t offer me a position, let alone even a final interview…

so here i am trying to discern God's will. He knew TFA wasn't going to be what i needed/wanted...and so her i am with a million and one questions: (here's just 10 of them)

1) do i continue to pursue some way, some place to teach?

2) is teaching for me?

3) do the gifts, desires, passions i have lend themselves to teaching?

4)what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do i do with my life?

5) do i still move to kc? (that's another blog for another day)

6) what about MTR?

7) do i pursue forensics?

8) why are there no entry level forensics positions?

9) do i even want to move to memphis?

10) do i go home?

as you can see, this uncertainty in life lends itself to asking questions, that i'm no so sure the Lord will give me direct answers to. in all honesty, i just want to be obedient...(Lord, did You hear that?!) I'm just not sure how that looks exactly as it pertains to my life, and the pursuit of holiness...

so with all that said, feel free to present MY requests to the Lord with thanksgiving by prayer and supplication...and i'll be forever grateful. i'll let you know how things turn out...

in the meantime,

HOLLA BACK!

Adam...lonely?! i think not

so i've been trying to find a church here in STL...don't see myself actually landing one until about january...we'll see. church shopping/hopping...whatever you wanna call it is no easy task. especially when you've come from a few solid places that you compare everywhere else to...but my main reason for writing today is because today's pastor said that Adam was lonely in the Garden, which is why God made Eve...no i didn't discount his authority to preach the Word of God on this point alone, but i just wanted to explore this statement a little.

i think i have to HIGHLY disagree with the idea that Adam was lonely in the Garden. He was there before sin had entered the world, which i take as Adam had no need. no need for affection, no need for anything because all that he was was completely satisfied in God and His presence. Adam would not have known any better had God not expressed that it was not good...THIS one thing was the only thing that God saw as "not good" and this was only so because God knew that Adam alone could not "be fruitful and multiply" as He would later instruct Adam and his new helper.

i think i've been cursed to have had such great teaching in the past...teaching that causes me to STOP and actually THINK about what i'm being taught in the "church." Praise the Lord for His Spirit that raises red flags and helps us to discern truth from the pulpit. so many people go to church and believe they are getting 100% truth. it's just not that simple. we have to search the Scriptures for Scripture's sake...we CANNOT take everything our pastors say at face value as absolute...pastors are men...

SEEK THE LORD FOR YOURSELF!

(i'm off my soapbox now, thanks for reading)