But God...

Towards the start of this year I really started thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. I really began to realize that vocational ministry was not for me. So I though of ways to use the “gifts” I have of being an anal, organized, task-oriented, results-driven kind of person and decided i wanted to become a teacher. My freshman year of college a TFA corps member came and presented in one of my classes. I fell in love with the though of becoming a teacher without having to change my major…I went to Baylor knowing that I wanted to study FORENSIC SCIENCE so that’s what I did. And now that TFA was offering me the opportunity to  continue to pursue that and be able to teach I thought it was a match made in heaven… long story short, I graduated, got a little "side-tracked" did the (ministry-minded) Kanakuk Institute, then went to work for (ministry-minded) Ventana discipling girls and then signed a 3 year contract with (ministry-minded) K-life. My energy meter continues to plummet as I’m doing "relationship" all day every day and the “tasker” within suffers. As my last year with K-Life is coming to a close I thought I’d apply to TFA so that I could get my fix. A little people here,  a little task there and I’m good to go…all the people around me were saying that I’d make a great teacher and if TFA didn’t choose me who knows what kind of person they look for… SHOWS HOW MUCH THEY KNOW… TFA didn’t offer me a position, let alone even a final interview…

so here i am trying to discern God's will. He knew TFA wasn't going to be what i needed/wanted...and so her i am with a million and one questions: (here's just 10 of them)

1) do i continue to pursue some way, some place to teach?

2) is teaching for me?

3) do the gifts, desires, passions i have lend themselves to teaching?

4)what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do i do with my life?

5) do i still move to kc? (that's another blog for another day)

6) what about MTR?

7) do i pursue forensics?

8) why are there no entry level forensics positions?

9) do i even want to move to memphis?

10) do i go home?

as you can see, this uncertainty in life lends itself to asking questions, that i'm no so sure the Lord will give me direct answers to. in all honesty, i just want to be obedient...(Lord, did You hear that?!) I'm just not sure how that looks exactly as it pertains to my life, and the pursuit of holiness...

so with all that said, feel free to present MY requests to the Lord with thanksgiving by prayer and supplication...and i'll be forever grateful. i'll let you know how things turn out...

in the meantime,

HOLLA BACK!

DING DING...school's in

yeah, so kamp is over...good summer. NEVER before (at the end of the summer) have i been able to say that "i could go another session if i had to..." seriously?! yeah, it was one of the weirdest feelings that i've ever had, and i'll admit, i definitely could've gone another round...even at the end...exhausted and spent... now don't get me wrong, i glad kamp ended when it did, it's just that i did things differently, and had enough energy to do it all again for another 8 days.

KRAZY!

well, i'm back here in STL for round 2 of k-life...when all my cohorts (like that?) are finishing up their 3rd year i'm here barely startin my 2nd. i've come to realize that ministry is not my calling as a vocation...i think i knew that coming in to k-life, but pressed on anyway. and i'm here struggling to battle the turmoil within...as much as i don't want to do this (programmatic side of things...on top of the ridiculousness of working for the school district), i have bought in to the vision dom and jason have cast here, and want to stick it out for the long haul...how do you explain that? i guess i just need my role redefined...?

i want to see the city of STL transformed for Christ. i want to see these kids' lives changed for the better. i want to see these families living for the Lord...i guess for now, i'm ok with not using my degree...at least my undergrad degree...thanks J Lanks!

i'm not an evangelist, and i feel that's what i'm doing here. gimme devoted followers to teach Scripture to any day and i'm like a fat kid in front of his favorite chocolate cake...but chasing kids daily is NOT MY GIFT--especially the ones who could care less. i'm not here to convince them they need Jesus. the Spirit will do that on His own.

anywho...that's my heart for now...more later

until then, "you can find me in the tub playin with bubbles..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GautSlgAsN0

Livin in The Lou

well, i finally have a steady address...at least for the next 3 years...unless the place gets ransacked by the mob living on The Hill, or Jesus takes me home. i've officially moved to st louis and now work for the urban k-life there. "urban k-life" i won't do it, but why does it have to have the urban tag attached?? whatever! that's the way things roll around here. it's a pretty sweet place to live...for now, until the neighbors bust a cap or break in to my place that you really don't have to "break in to" all you really have to do is gently tap on the lock and it'll open up! ok, well i guess it's really not that easy, but might as well be!

since being here i've got a few rules...1) to work out everyday except sunday, 2) no tv until after 6pm, 3) get to bed at a decent hour so i can wake up and hang with Jesus first thing, 3) keep the gas/electricity bills to a minimum, 4) do my job and do it well...that's it for now...

here's the status on those:
1) have YET to work out, let alone set up a workout schedule
2) the first thing i turn on when i get home @ 2:30 in the afternoon is the TV (some days)
3) haven't gotten the bills yet...only been here for 10 days
4) i'm a little behind on my small group planning, haven't designed a t-shirt, and i haven't been to one school lunch...they've been in school for about 2, maybe 3 weeks....SLACKER

well, that's it...more later
Holla