watch yo mouth!

hmmmm...where to start this blogging business...

there's a TON of stuff going on in my life, but i think the most note-worthy would have to be the past few times i've asked God for something...

time #1 don't tell anyone this, but it was our last game of the volleyball season. had just finished the regular playing season, and districts was about to start. our first game was against Roosevelt at an all girls school named Incarnate Word... i would have not enjoyed going there very much...they wore these hideous jumpers...reminded me of the brady bunch for some reason...

anyway, i was sitting on the bench, and thought to myself "Lord, is it wrong for me to wish the season to be over?" didn't get much of a response, but then i said, "i don't want the girls to lose, but i do wish this was the end of the season." Lo and behold...they lost and the season was over. oops, my bad

time #2 one of the girls in my small group decided she didn't want to come to k-life or small group anymore because she felt that i "always have attitudes" (exact words). i wasn't sure what she was talking about, and she didn't even want to talk to me about it... my heart was hurting because if i wronged her i wanted to apologize, but she wouldn't talk to me...teenagers... so i prayed that she'd reconsider k-life, small group, or that she'd find somewhere else to get some teaching about the Bible...well, she was back at k-life this past week and talking to me now...

time #3 today was a LONG day. i pretty much work for Sumner High school now...only i don't get 2 checks...i work with the attendance officer there to try to "rescue kids" as Jason likes to put it... well i didn't rescue any today, but i did wind up asking the Lord for a break from small group...oops...my bad. i go to the gym to pick up the girls, and no one's there. i go over to the school to pick em up before they get on the bus. i only see 2 of them and they said they couldn't come. 2 of the other girls were nowhere to be found, so i just came home and met with a leader...we talked a little about where we should take small group, and how we can make it more interesting...

so all that to say i need to start asking God for more!

p.s there's no such thing as coincidences

Sleepless in St. Louis

i finally heard my first gunshots...it was after school, and the volleyballers had just finished running their warm-up lap around the block. next thing you know we hear 6 shots...supposedly one of the football players got hit in the butt, and then i heard that he eventually died. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD? so i've been tutoring in a biology class and in an algebra class...oh my Lord, it's so sad that these kids can't even do basic arithmetic. it seems as if trying to add or subtract negative numbers is not anywhere on their radar. Prayers for the public school system are greatly needed...The Lord is workin here...just pray that we're able to keep making a difference with no opposition.

in other news...K-Life is going well. the Lord is doing BIG things...i'm completely overwhelmed...STILL. i know that He'll give me what i need when the time is right...i just gotta wait for the right time.

and further still, i've become an official resident of st. louis. it matters not that i still have CO plates, a Co drivers license, and car insurance in CO. I HAVE A LIBRARY CARD IN ST. LOUIS! that's what it is to be official...

on this journey...true signs of the deceived

so back to the post i planned for last week...

i've been church shopping, and had to go back to the journey for part II of the sermon on 1 John. they're doing this series on how you can be sure you know God. the first part was about how you can have "full, complete, and sustain joy." some of the main points that really hit home for me were:

1) God is light. and to understand joy, is to understand God for who He is.

**it doesn't matter what we think about Him, but rather what He says about Himself.

*"knowledge of God comes from revelation, not speculation"

2)Darin (the pastor) then went on to talk about some false teachings that can deceive us.

A. (from v 6) fellowship and walking in darkness

if anyone says that they have fellowship with God and walk in darkness, then they are a liar. you cannot do both. you do one or the other. Just as God is not dark nor can He be in teh presence of darkness...neither can we say that we have fellowship with Him there--in darkness...because He won't be there with us. i think of unbelievers or people who think they're ok because they go to church, or pray, or donate to charity, yet keep living any which way they please...unfortunately it don't work that way...

B. (from v 8) we have no sin

to say that we have no sin...that's just the dumbest thing i've ever heard...if we ever feel guilt, that means that there was some standard to which we should be living that we didn't attain to. and when we don't reach that standard there is a sense of failure...which means that we lose...which means that we've sinned against some Higher Power that has a standard set...sin is just disobedience toward that standard...or as dictionary.com says:

- noun

1. transgression of divine law. the sin of Adam

2. any act regarded as such a transgression, esp. a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle

3. any reprehensible or regrettable action, behavior, lapse, etc.; great fault or offense: It's a sin to waste time.

C. (from v 10) we have not sinned

he goes on to talk about how we believe that sin s relative...and we begin to redifine it. the example he gave was "Oh, I don't get angry, I justhave a short fuse..." we just begin to make excuses and try to justify our misbehavior. LAME

some other things he says about darkness

1) it's an illusion--> he says hypocrisy is not saying don't do something and then doing it, but rather using religious activity to cover up your sin or using your theology to justify your sin...check the Pharisees on this one

2) it's only corporate--> meaning that it's only in the system...meaning what we do is just a byproduct of the corrupt structures that run our lives... where's the responsibility in that? just takes us right back to the blame game...where everyone else is at fault. and we all know that's not true.

and one last point that he brought up that i thought was just fabulous:

**confession doesn't restore union, but communion**

our union with God can NEVER be broken...it's just that our sin cause a riff in the communication department. our relationship doesn't change if we don't confess, it just sends us on this trip to allow the enemy to condemn us. our sin has been paid for...PERIOD.

this week though, he touched on a few points that i'll hi-light and call it a day.

i'm just gonna put up his diagram of the civil war that goes on in us daily...

maybe later?!

many-a-things have happened since the last post...only Lord knows how'd i'd love to recount them all, but the age is catching up with me...i can't remember a thang! and now you'll never know cause i'm bout to go "Taste STL" with Mo.

Adam...lonely?! i think not

so i've been trying to find a church here in STL...don't see myself actually landing one until about january...we'll see. church shopping/hopping...whatever you wanna call it is no easy task. especially when you've come from a few solid places that you compare everywhere else to...but my main reason for writing today is because today's pastor said that Adam was lonely in the Garden, which is why God made Eve...no i didn't discount his authority to preach the Word of God on this point alone, but i just wanted to explore this statement a little.

i think i have to HIGHLY disagree with the idea that Adam was lonely in the Garden. He was there before sin had entered the world, which i take as Adam had no need. no need for affection, no need for anything because all that he was was completely satisfied in God and His presence. Adam would not have known any better had God not expressed that it was not good...THIS one thing was the only thing that God saw as "not good" and this was only so because God knew that Adam alone could not "be fruitful and multiply" as He would later instruct Adam and his new helper.

i think i've been cursed to have had such great teaching in the past...teaching that causes me to STOP and actually THINK about what i'm being taught in the "church." Praise the Lord for His Spirit that raises red flags and helps us to discern truth from the pulpit. so many people go to church and believe they are getting 100% truth. it's just not that simple. we have to search the Scriptures for Scripture's sake...we CANNOT take everything our pastors say at face value as absolute...pastors are men...

SEEK THE LORD FOR YOURSELF!

(i'm off my soapbox now, thanks for reading)

play with fire? you get burned...

don't play with fire...don't try to "manage your sin"...get rid of it--now and fast. the flesh is so weak. even when the heart has good intentions, speaking words of truth, the flesh will always find a loophole, will push the limits and will always find itself very comfortable doing the things it's good at--destroying you...that's the ONE thing it's faithful in.

don't think you can do it on your own. don't play games. be real, understand that the enemy is prowling around and laughs at you when you fall. he's so proud of himself when you fall...don't give him the pleasure.

don't set yourself up for destruction. you never know how many other people you'll affect.

oh my, karen!

today was the first experiential bout with the massage table. all i can say is... (now say this with a british accent) "please sir, may i have another?" I called yesterday and scheduled an appointment for a massage... i roll up there today, and feel so much better afterwards! Ms. Karen hooked it up! i'm definitely going to have to go back there. i got the chance to talk to Karen about working for K-Life and asked her how she got into massage. she said she's been doing it for about 7 years and before that was an occupational therapist, but got out of that because of the politics of health insurance. she said her conscience wouldn't let her rest...so she got out. she explained how much she loves massage and how God can take the bad and work them for good...

this is proof that God hears the prayers of the righteous...not that i'm super righteous or anything...TRUST ME! on my way to the massage parlor...do they call em parlors still? anyway on my way i asked the Lord to allow me an opportunity to have a conversation with my therapist...and BAM there it is...an opening. I wasn't too sure where to take the conversation after that, but at least i know a little about karen. relationships take time. she really worked it out though. i left there feeling much better...i almost had this sense that as she was massaging me, she was praying for me, but who knows?! needless to say, i had a great time, and will mos def be returning to get another

round 2:
i was talking to the one and only nikkie c yesterday and had a revelation. there are people in your life that come and go...PERIOD. the problem that ihave is that i want to hold on to all of my relationships. i feel burdened if i let people go...i honestly think this stems from my abandonment and rejection issues i used to have about my dad never being around...but i'm no therapist...it's only an uneducated guess into the underlying thread plaguing most girls in today's society.

so i've come to accept the fact that i can't hold on to everyone that i come into contact with. some people you just gotta let go...unfortunately. no, that doesn't mean i can't pray for them, but i don't have to stress myself out in order to find validation in who i am through them...or maybe the stress will just give me an excuse to go see karen. ;)

some people are just in you life for a season. in and out...that is all. there's a million people that i remember from earlier in my life that i've stressed about trying to keep up with, and then when i think about it, i realize that they've already let me go...so why am i stressing? they've done nothing to invest in me through this time or give me reason to think they want to maintain relationship, so why am i worried about it? am i right or wrong in thinking this way? honest opinions greatly appreciated...

pray for me...

late knights and early mournings

i have the greatest job...ok well the greatest job would be getting paid to eat, travel, and take amazing pictures...i'm workin on that. but until then, i'm working for the one and only URBAN K-life...in The Lou or "STL" or The 314 also known as Saint Louis (STL is the airport code for booking flights, just thought i'd throw that ...for those of you ebonically impaired. i'm outta the office at about 2:30ish where i then go home and spend countless hours uploading all my cds to my iTunes.

so as of day 3, i'm 57 cds uploaded, and have 39 more to go...on top of the stuff that's already on my computer that i must scramble to figure out how to get it to my iTunes because i no longer have the cds...for whatever reason...and behold...the files are protected!!!!

so as i meticulously upload each disc i have been watching seasons of the Cosby show...fo real...i'm on the last episode of disc one of season three as we speak...and there goes the bell..last cd for the night uploaded. i'm takin a break now for the night...last night i was up til 1 in the morning...can't do that again, i got back problems like nobody's bidness. and my shoulders are KILLIN me...that's why i'm going to Massage Envy tomorrow! oh man...don't even worry bout me! i'm on that table like a fat kid on a chocolate cake.

oh yeah more about them cds...those 39 that i have to upload? they're all mix cds. so i'm going to have to manually enter in all the artist and song info...LAME...

on to important things: life in The LOU (that's Saint Louis) have been going....well, let's just say they've been going. i'm way over my head in this K-Life thing. we've got so much going on that i am struggling to keep it all straight...still trying to find where i fit in, and what my responsibilities are. i'm gettin there though.

oh but get this...so this guy that we're workin with, Ed Watkins...(loves me by the way) has been working on this VIP program to get people to volunteer...pretty much we just do whatever Ed says cause he's the kinda guy to raise $27 million in one year...he's a cool guy, honestly....he just gets things done! so anyway..he invites us to this prayer breakfast...unbeknownst to me that this was an annual thing that happens in St. Charles county...so i wake up at the crack of dawn to haul myself outta bed to get all dolled-up (and if you know me, that took about 10 minutes)

INTERLUDE: just put in disc 2 of season 3 of the Cosby Show

where was i...? oh yeah! so we drive out to St. Charles and what do i see? power suits, power ties, men and women playin the business world...this was a stinkin Businessmens Prayer Breakfast...so many big wigs in this place i almost peed my pants. TWICE (takes me back to 6th grade... the second to last time i messed myself. we won't talk about the last time.) so as i look back on that morning i try to understand why i was at that breakfast...1)i couldn't work any farther from the business world, and 2) last time i checked, i had 2 X chromosomes...but then i remember...I DO WHATEVER ED WANTS ME TO! and there it is...the answer to every question about why i do what i do...Mr. Ed says to.

until next time...Rudy awaits me.

Livin in The Lou

well, i finally have a steady address...at least for the next 3 years...unless the place gets ransacked by the mob living on The Hill, or Jesus takes me home. i've officially moved to st louis and now work for the urban k-life there. "urban k-life" i won't do it, but why does it have to have the urban tag attached?? whatever! that's the way things roll around here. it's a pretty sweet place to live...for now, until the neighbors bust a cap or break in to my place that you really don't have to "break in to" all you really have to do is gently tap on the lock and it'll open up! ok, well i guess it's really not that easy, but might as well be!

since being here i've got a few rules...1) to work out everyday except sunday, 2) no tv until after 6pm, 3) get to bed at a decent hour so i can wake up and hang with Jesus first thing, 3) keep the gas/electricity bills to a minimum, 4) do my job and do it well...that's it for now...

here's the status on those:
1) have YET to work out, let alone set up a workout schedule
2) the first thing i turn on when i get home @ 2:30 in the afternoon is the TV (some days)
3) haven't gotten the bills yet...only been here for 10 days
4) i'm a little behind on my small group planning, haven't designed a t-shirt, and i haven't been to one school lunch...they've been in school for about 2, maybe 3 weeks....SLACKER

well, that's it...more later
Holla