well, i've got 518 days, 15 hours, and 3 minutes and counting until my k-Life contract is up...not that i'm trying to get out of here or anything, but i'm coming to the realization that i need to find something else to do with my life. ministry is not my gifting. don't get me wrong, I LOVE WORKING FOR JESUS, i just can't do it full-time (haha)... vocationally, there's just too much people involvement... as an inverted, task-oriented, beaver-like lion, ISTJ, high in my DC tendencies, i must find something that suits the giftings the Lord has blessed me with... forensics?!?!
teaching has also crossed my mind...but then it's straight people in the classroom...what to do?!
maybe back on that forensics tip... it's kinda hard to find a job in such a field where they require you to have expereince and yet, i've been working in ministry for the past 3 years... and i'm poor so i can't really go back to school right now...
they want you to have experience, but no one's really offering entry-level trainee positions... got any ideas about how to work that out?!! didn't think so...and you can't just "volunteer" investigating crime scenes
Lord, you know all things...help a sista out!
Dec 2, 2010
Sep 1, 2010
DING DING...school's in
yeah, so kamp is over...good summer. NEVER before (at the end of the summer) have i been able to say that "i could go another session if i had to..." seriously?! yeah, it was one of the weirdest feelings that i've ever had, and i'll admit, i definitely could've gone another round...even at the end...exhausted and spent... now don't get me wrong, i glad kamp ended when it did, it's just that i did things differently, and had enough energy to do it all again for another 8 days.
KRAZY!
well, i'm back here in STL for round 2 of k-life...when all my cohorts (like that?) are finishing up their 3rd year i'm here barely startin my 2nd. i've come to realize that ministry is not my calling as a vocation...i think i knew that coming in to k-life, but pressed on anyway. and i'm here struggling to battle the turmoil within...as much as i don't want to do this (programmatic side of things...on top of the ridiculousness of working for the school district), i have bought in to the vision dom and jason have cast here, and want to stick it out for the long haul...how do you explain that? i guess i just need my role redefined...?
i want to see the city of STL transformed for Christ. i want to see these kids' lives changed for the better. i want to see these families living for the Lord...i guess for now, i'm ok with not using my degree...at least my undergrad degree...thanks J Lanks!
i'm not an evangelist, and i feel that's what i'm doing here. gimme devoted followers to teach Scripture to any day and i'm like a fat kid in front of his favorite chocolate cake...but chasing kids daily is NOT MY GIFT--especially the ones who could care less. i'm not here to convince them they need Jesus. the Spirit will do that on His own.
anywho...that's my heart for now...more later
until then, "you can find me in the tub playin with bubbles..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GautSlgAsN0
KRAZY!
well, i'm back here in STL for round 2 of k-life...when all my cohorts (like that?) are finishing up their 3rd year i'm here barely startin my 2nd. i've come to realize that ministry is not my calling as a vocation...i think i knew that coming in to k-life, but pressed on anyway. and i'm here struggling to battle the turmoil within...as much as i don't want to do this (programmatic side of things...on top of the ridiculousness of working for the school district), i have bought in to the vision dom and jason have cast here, and want to stick it out for the long haul...how do you explain that? i guess i just need my role redefined...?
i want to see the city of STL transformed for Christ. i want to see these kids' lives changed for the better. i want to see these families living for the Lord...i guess for now, i'm ok with not using my degree...at least my undergrad degree...thanks J Lanks!
i'm not an evangelist, and i feel that's what i'm doing here. gimme devoted followers to teach Scripture to any day and i'm like a fat kid in front of his favorite chocolate cake...but chasing kids daily is NOT MY GIFT--especially the ones who could care less. i'm not here to convince them they need Jesus. the Spirit will do that on His own.
anywho...that's my heart for now...more later
until then, "you can find me in the tub playin with bubbles..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GautSlgAsN0
May 8, 2010
the TRUST factor
if you know anything about anything when it comes to my relationships, then you'll know that more often than not i've been the pursuer...just last week, i had a revelation from our Father that it's ok to be the pursuer in some relationships...just not ALL. so in regards to that "special someone" if you will, the Lord directed me to make the decision to no longer be the pursuer. no longer be the one to "keep things going..." no longer be the one to make sure there's still something there. He told me that i need to learn to TRUST HIM IN ALL THINGS...including being pursued in a more intimate relationship with man.
i realized that my pursuit was merely a way for me to keep the thread going, to have control, and lastly...to feel secure in the relationship. we all know the only relationship that needs security is the one with God. and that was secured some 2000 years ago with the death of Jesus on the cross and then personally for me when i chose to lay down my life, my wants, needs, and desires to pursue the One i'm ALLOWED to pursue.
i'm not going to lie, it was a very difficult thing to accept, but that's where the trust came in. God knows better than anyone what's best for me, what's best for him, and whether or not we're for each other. the time and distance between us is God's doing...FOR HIS GLORY! just like all other things are done for His glory--not my comfort, pleasure, happiness...those are all SECONDARY.
so even as i write this, i'm filled with confusion, heartache, and i'm being tossed about in a whirlwind of emotions, only settled by my faith that God is who He says He is...a Father to the fatherless, One near to the broken-hearted...
So here i am...all of me, take my life... and let it be pleasing to you oh Lord. Letting go hurts, but i'd much rather let go, than hold onto something that the Lord is saying isn't for me...whether it be now or later...
i realized that my pursuit was merely a way for me to keep the thread going, to have control, and lastly...to feel secure in the relationship. we all know the only relationship that needs security is the one with God. and that was secured some 2000 years ago with the death of Jesus on the cross and then personally for me when i chose to lay down my life, my wants, needs, and desires to pursue the One i'm ALLOWED to pursue.
i'm not going to lie, it was a very difficult thing to accept, but that's where the trust came in. God knows better than anyone what's best for me, what's best for him, and whether or not we're for each other. the time and distance between us is God's doing...FOR HIS GLORY! just like all other things are done for His glory--not my comfort, pleasure, happiness...those are all SECONDARY.
so even as i write this, i'm filled with confusion, heartache, and i'm being tossed about in a whirlwind of emotions, only settled by my faith that God is who He says He is...a Father to the fatherless, One near to the broken-hearted...
So here i am...all of me, take my life... and let it be pleasing to you oh Lord. Letting go hurts, but i'd much rather let go, than hold onto something that the Lord is saying isn't for me...whether it be now or later...
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