Keepin It Real

the things that make you go hmmmmm...

2012-01-27T13:10:00.000-06:00

well...my life was in a bit of an upheaval the past few weeks, but i've managed to come out of it alive...the Lord must have something for me...i'd much rather go "home" but that's beside the point!

i don't want to get into (or relive) the juicy details of the wreck that has been my life, but on the upside of things i had an epiphany. since coming to the resolution to move forward in this journey, i've decided to go back to school to get another degree...this time in a field that i have a strong passion for...FORENSIC SCIENCE...yeah that spark of csi in me just blew up. i have george washington univeristy (DC) and university of new haven (connecticut) on my radar. been trudging thru studying for the GRE (nightmare) and essays, scholarship searches...all that crap. bleh! i kinda feel like a high school senior all over again--starting from scratch isn't the easiest or funnest thing, but i guess sometimes it's quite necessary?! so here goes...
i could most definitely use your prayers and if you wanna support me in any way, don't hesitate to call

UNH--Chargers?
GWU--Colonials?

let's take a vote!

But God...

2011-12-15T11:27:00.000-06:00

Towards the start of this year I really started thinkingabout what I wanted to do with my life. I really began to realize thatvocational ministry was not for me. So I though of ways to use the “gifts” Ihave of being an anal, organized, task-oriented, results-driven kind of personand decided i wanted to become a teacher. My freshman year of college a TFA corps member came and presented in one of my classes. I fell in love with the though of becominga teacher without having to change my major…I went to Baylor knowing that Iwanted to study FORENSIC SCIENCE so that’s what I did. And now that TFA was offeringme the opportunity to continue to pursuethat and be able to teach I thought it was a match made in heaven… long storyshort, I graduated, got a little "side-tracked" did the (ministry-minded) Kanakuk Institute, then went towork for (ministry-minded) Ventana discipling girls and then signed a 3 yearcontract with (ministry-minded) K-life. My energy meter continues to plummet as I’m doing "relationship" all day everyday and the “tasker” within suffers. As my last year with K-Life is coming to aclose I thought I’d apply to TFA so that I could get my fix. A little people here, alittle task there and I’m good to go…all the people around me were saying that I’dmake a great teacher and if TFA didn’t choose me who knows what kind of personthey look for… SHOWS HOW MUCH THEY KNOW… TFA didn’t offer me a position, letalone even a final interview…

so here i am trying to discern God's will. He knew TFA wasn't going to be what i needed/wanted...and so her i am with a million and one questions: (here's just 10 of them)

1) do i continue to pursue some way, some place to teach?

2) is teaching for me?

3) do the gifts, desires, passions i have lend themselves to teaching?

4)what the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do i do with my life?

5) do i still move to kc? (that's another blog for another day)

6) what about MTR?

7) do i pursue forensics?

8) why are there no entry level forensics positions?

9) do i even want to move to memphis?

10) do i go home?

as you can see, this uncertainty in life lends itself to asking questions, that i'm no so sure the Lord will give me direct answers to. in all honesty, i just want to be obedient...(Lord, did You hear that?!) I'm just not sure how that looks exactly as it pertains to my life, and the pursuit of holiness...

so with all that said, feel free to present MY requests to the Lord with thanksgiving by prayer and supplication...and i'll be forever grateful. i'll let you know how things turn out...

in the meantime,

HOLLA BACK!

Love Before Time... but only for "good people"

2011-01-30T17:28:00.006-06:00

I was listening to some old mark driscoll sermons (the trial series from 2009) and had a little revelation. He was talking about election and God’s foreknowledge…now before you get your panties in a wad I’m not going there… I’m merely going to talk about how the goodness of God is incomprehensible. A lot of people ask “if God was good, how could let/allow/make______________ (insert “bad thing” here) to happen?” but my question is, “if God is so good, how could He choose me and call me to Himself?” you may see the external me and think I’m a “good person” (or maybe you don’t…if not, let me know and I’ll show you just how good I am. HA!) anyway…a "good" and perfect God would simply keep His goodness to Himself and not even risk taking a chance on a human such as myself with the free will to deny Him at any cost. And that’s what I did for the first 18 years of my life. Yeah I know, you think I’ve loved Jesus since conception. NOPE! (that is impossible by the way) On the outside I may have been a “good person.” I did my homework (even so much to say that I LOVED school), I was a captain on the b-ball team, I did my chores, was responsible, got a job, was an upstanding citizen, did the speed limit (on most days), helped little old ladies across the street (and not just my own granny), was in NHS, the IB program, never went to juvie, obeyed my mom (again, on most days) paid my taxes (hail Caesar!), got good grades, the list could go on and on—that’s how “good” I was.

And yet, all these things were done in vain—because I just wanted to be “good”…there was no driving internal force other than myself. I wanted to be “good” because it was the right thing to do and with no other purpose. It wasn’t until Jesus found me (I didn’t find him, he knew where He was the whole time; I was the one who was lost.) that I truly began to understand the desire/purpose and outcome of all those good things I was doing and wanting to do.

It was because I was made in the image of that “good God” and wasn’t made to be in this world and stay here. My home is not of this world, but rather of a much better place filled with perfect people who were made by that “good God.” so let’s break that down for a quick second.

Better place. Where God is (not necessarily heaven--but that’s too deep for me right now). Period. That’s where it all began. God spoke the world into existence and by His word declared all things “good.” And then sin entered the world. (we’re not going to discuss how if all things were good how sin entered—another blog, another day) but just roll with me. As sin entered the world ALL things got jacked up, so nothing was “good” anymore…all things were now CRAP (to say the least). So no one is “good’ anymore, no one seeks God and the knowledge of Him is even more remote than God Himself. So as knowledge decreased, so did the healthy fear, reverence, and obedience to Him. And this is why we are where we are today—the lack of the knowledge of (let alone an intimate relationship with) God. And by the way, there is ONLY ONE GOD—and only ONE WAY TO GET TO HIM. DON’T BE DECEIVED (that’s just where the enemy wants you to be)! So back to this better place. It all revolves around being in his presence, and knowing Him and living in that perfection that you were made for. Which is possible now, IFF (I didn’t spell it wrong, that’s a math term for ‘if and only if’) you have come to understand Jesus as “Lord and Savior.” A lot of people think they’re in this boat, yet are sadly mistaken. I’m not judging, just calling it as it is…

Perfect people. Well, like i said we were made in perfection until sin entered the world and all things went to hell in a hand basket…until Christ rolled in (unlike the way they were expecting…another blog another day. But needless to say, He lived His life in the perfection that we were made for and pleased the Father as He was sent to—serving as an example for us; Living a simply obedient life just as God had planned since the beginning of time. And really it’s just this simple. Once you realize that Jesus took on the punishment that you deserve for your disobedience (voluntary and involuntary) you receive His righteousness. YOU HAVE TO DO NOTHING…you can’t earn it, because if you really think about it, all the junk you’ve done (and trust me, I’m not exempt from that punishment) you could never really earn righteousness (which by the way, can be defined as "being in right standing" with God—meaning He can look at you and find no fault). The only one who really has righteousness in and of Himself is Christ. No, I wasn’t there to witness it, but then, that’s why it’s called FAITH. So when you trust that Christ’s righteousness is given to you only because you believe that it is, you are made perfect. God can now look at you and see perfection. No, you may not really be living a perfect life, but what you see doesn’t matter…it’s how God sees you that matters. BOTTOM LINE.

Good God. Well, this just leaves this “controversial” phrase…can God really be “good” if all this bad stuff happens?? And the answer is a resounding YES. Regardless of what happens here on earth God’s character does not vary. He is, always has been, and always will be UNCHANGING. He was good when He spoke the world into existence; good when he destroyed evil with the flood; good when He allowed Satan to become the prince of this world (trust me, you don’t want to be one of his who faces judgment at the end); and good when He allowed you to be born into sin…so “good” in fact that He allowed a way for you to be restored to the perfection that you were originally made for. If He wasn’t good, do you think he would have even cared that you were destined for destruction? No. He would have just complained that His plan went terribly awry and would not have provided a solution…BUT because He is good, He did provide a solution, and the best one at that.

OTHER THOUGHTS:

Mark said something that I had yet another epiphany about…he talked about people coming out of the closet…and I got to thinking…yeah a lot of people are coming out of the closet to confess what they really are…no matter what it is, and yet we as Christians need to do the same… we need to come out of the closet and be UNASHAMED about who we really are. If we are really Christ followers then we need to profess Him all the time. Yes, there is a way to go about that, but at the same time we need to stop fearing man and be offensive. Use that sword He gave you and DO SOME DAMAGE. I’ll be the FIRST to admit that I’m a happy slappy, mamby pamby, light weight when it comes to sharing the gospel, but it’s about time to GET IT TOGETHER! This is a battle folks.

About this alleged battle. I look at my life and reflect on the fact that I’ve not been battling. I feel like I’m just tiptoeing on the battlefield looking at all the dead bodies around me grieving for the loss and yet my sword remains in its sheath. And I don’t really ever make it to the front lines to take the enemy head on. LAME! We’ve got to get in his face and beat him down; and really show him how much power he doesn’t have. I think our passivity is a greater detriment than we think…it’s exactly where the enemy wants us and he’s taking advantage of it like nobody’s business. So we can’t be mad that the world is headed in a downward spiral if we’re not willing to do something about it—and then ACTUALLY DO IT.

AND ANOTHER THING:

Let’s talk for a minute on tolerance… I just think it’s kinda funny about how people these days are talking a lot about tolerance…whether it be about abortion, homosexuals, or other religions, but when a Christ follower wants to share Truth, they’re not tolerated. I don’t know what to do about that…I just guess that the world will remain in opposition to the Truth until it slaps them in the face then they’re going to be on their face crying out to a God who’s always been there, seeking and pursuing them---yet they maintained their position to be blinded and turn their back on Him…

What a CATCH 22?!

PS. If God’s love were only for good people, none of us would be able to have it…

That’s all for now…I’m out!

Who I'm Is...?

2010-12-02T15:56:00.005-06:00

well, i've got 518 days, 15 hours, and 3 minutes and counting until my k-Life contract is up...not that i'm trying to get out of here or anything, but i'm coming to the realization that i need to find something else to do with my life. ministry is not my gifting. don't get me wrong, I LOVE WORKING FOR JESUS, i just can't do it full-time (haha)... vocationally, there's just too much people involvement... as an inverted, task-oriented, beaver-like lion, ISTJ, high in my DC tendencies, i must find something that suits the giftings the Lord has blessed me with... forensics?!?!

teaching has also crossed my mind...but then it's straight people in the classroom...what to do?!
maybe back on that forensics tip... it's kinda hard to find a job in such a field where they require you to have expereince and yet, i've been working in ministry for the past 3 years... and i'm poor so i can't really go back to school right now...

they want you to have experience, but no one's really offering entry-level trainee positions... got any ideas about how to work that out?!! didn't think so...and you can't just "volunteer" investigating crime scenes

Lord, you know all things...help a sista out!

DING DING...school's in

2010-09-01T16:14:00.003-05:00

yeah, so kamp is over...good summer. NEVER before (at the end of the summer) have i been able to say that "i could go another session if i had to..." seriously?! yeah, it was one of the weirdest feelings that i've ever had, and i'll admit, i definitely could've gone another round...even at the end...exhausted and spent... now don't get me wrong, i glad kamp ended when it did, it's just that i did things differently, and had enough energy to do it all again for another 8 days.

KRAZY!

well, i'm back here in STL for round 2 of k-life...when all my cohorts (like that?) are finishing up their 3rd year i'm here barely startin my 2nd. i've come to realize that ministry is not my calling as a vocation...i think i knew that coming in to k-life, but pressed on anyway. and i'm here struggling to battle the turmoil within...as much as i don't want to do this (programmatic side of things...on top of the ridiculousness of working for the school district), i have bought in to the vision dom and jason have cast here, and want to stick it out for the long haul...how do you explain that? i guess i just need my role redefined...?

i want to see the city of STL transformed for Christ. i want to see these kids' lives changed for the better. i want to see these families living for the Lord...i guess for now, i'm ok with not using my degree...at least my undergrad degree...thanks J Lanks!

i'm not an evangelist, and i feel that's what i'm doing here. gimme devoted followers to teach Scripture to any day and i'm like a fat kid in front of his favorite chocolate cake...but chasing kids daily is NOT MY GIFT--especially the ones who could care less. i'm not here to convince them they need Jesus. the Spirit will do that on His own.

anywho...that's my heart for now...more later

until then, "you can find me in the tub playin with bubbles..."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GautSlgAsN0

the TRUST factor

2010-05-08T16:16:00.006-05:00

if you know anything about anything when it comes to my relationships, then you'll know that more often than not i've been the pursuer...just last week, i had a revelation from our Father that it's ok to be the pursuer in some relationships...just not ALL. so in regards to that "special someone" if you will, the Lord directed me to make the decision to no longer be the pursuer. no longer be the one to "keep things going..." no longer be the one to make sure there's still something there. He told me that i need to learn to TRUST HIM IN ALL THINGS...including being pursued in a more intimate relationship with man.

i realized that my pursuit was merely a way for me to keep the thread going, to have control, and lastly...to feel secure in the relationship. we all know the only relationship that needs security is the one with God. and that was secured some 2000 years ago with the death of Jesus on the cross and then personally for me when i chose to lay down my life, my wants, needs, and desires to pursue the One i'm ALLOWED to pursue.

i'm not going to lie, it was a very difficult thing to accept, but that's where the trust came in. God knows better than anyone what's best for me, what's best for him, and whether or not we're for each other. the time and distance between us is God's doing...FOR HIS GLORY! just like all other things are done for His glory--not my comfort, pleasure, happiness...those are all SECONDARY.

so even as i write this, i'm filled with confusion, heartache, and i'm being tossed about in a whirlwind of emotions, only settled by my faith that God is who He says He is...a Father to the fatherless, One near to the broken-hearted...

So here i am...all of me, take my life... and let it be pleasing to you oh Lord. Letting go hurts, but i'd much rather let go, than hold onto something that the Lord is saying isn't for me...whether it be now or later...

watch yo mouth!

2009-11-23T19:35:00.002-06:00

hmmmm...where to start this blogging business...

there's a TON of stuff going on in my life, but i think the most note-worthy would have to be the past few times i've asked God for something...

time #1 don't tell anyone this, but it was our last game of the volleyball season. had just finished the regular playing season, and districts was about to start. our first game was against Roosevelt at an all girls school named Incarnate Word... i would have not enjoyed going there very much...they wore these hideous jumpers...reminded me of the brady bunch for some reason...

anyway, i was sitting on the bench, and thought to myself "Lord, is it wrong for me to wish the season to be over?" didn't get much of a response, but then i said, "i don't want the girls to lose, but i do wish this was the end of the season." Lo and behold...they lost and the season was over. oops, my bad

time #2 one of the girls in my small group decided she didn't want to come to k-life or small group anymore because she felt that i "always have attitudes" (exact words). i wasn't sure what she was talking about, and she didn't even want to talk to me about it... my heart was hurting because if i wronged her i wanted to apologize, but she wouldn't talk to me...teenagers... so i prayed that she'd reconsider k-life, small group, or that she'd find somewhere else to get some teaching about the Bible...well, she was back at k-life this past week and talking to me now...

time #3 today was a LONG day. i pretty much work for Sumner High school now...only i don't get 2 checks...i work with the attendance officer there to try to "rescue kids" as Jason likes to put it... well i didn't rescue any today, but i did wind up asking the Lord for a break from small group...oops...my bad. i go to the gym to pick up the girls, and no one's there. i go over to the school to pick em up before they get on the bus. i only see 2 of them and they said they couldn't come. 2 of the other girls were nowhere to be found, so i just came home and met with a leader...we talked a little about where we should take small group, and how we can make it more interesting...

so all that to say i need to start asking God for more!

p.s there's no such thing as coincidences

Sleepless in St. Louis

2009-10-24T21:33:00.003-05:00

i finally heard my first gunshots...it was after school, and the volleyballers had just finished running their warm-up lap around the block. next thing you know we hear 6 shots...supposedly one of the football players got hit in the butt, and then i heard that he eventually died. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD? so i've been tutoring in a biology class and in an algebra class...oh my Lord, it's so sad that these kids can't even do basic arithmetic. it seems as if trying to add or subtract negative numbers is not anywhere on their radar. Prayers for the public school system are greatly needed...The Lord is workin here...just pray that we're able to keep making a difference with no opposition.

in other news...K-Life is going well. the Lord is doing BIG things...i'm completely overwhelmed...STILL. i know that He'll give me what i need when the time is right...i just gotta wait for the right time.

and further still, i've become an official resident of st. louis. it matters not that i still have CO plates, a Co drivers license, and car insurance in CO. I HAVE A LIBRARY CARD IN ST. LOUIS! that's what it is to be official...

on this journey...true signs of the deceived

2009-10-04T19:44:00.006-05:00

so back to the post i planned for last week...

i've been church shopping, and had to go back to the journey for part II of the sermon on 1 John. they're doing this series on how you can be sure you know God. the first part was about how you can have "full, complete, and sustain joy." some of the main points that really hit home for me were:

1) God is light. and to understand joy, is to understand God for who He is.

**it doesn't matter what we think about Him, but rather what He says about Himself.

*"knowledge of God comes from revelation, not speculation"

2)Darin (the pastor) then went on to talk about some false teachings that can deceive us.

A. (from v 6) fellowship and walking in darkness

if anyone says that they have fellowship with God and walk in darkness, then they are a liar. you cannot do both. you do one or the other. Just as God is not dark nor can He be in teh presence of darkness...neither can we say that we have fellowship with Him there--in darkness...because He won't be there with us. i think of unbelievers or people who think they're ok because they go to church, or pray, or donate to charity, yet keep living any which way they please...unfortunately it don't work that way...

B. (from v 8) we have no sin

to say that we have no sin...that's just the dumbest thing i've ever heard...if we ever feel guilt, that means that there was some standard to which we should be living that we didn't attain to. and when we don't reach that standard there is a sense of failure...which means that we lose...which means that we've sinned against some Higher Power that has a standard set...sin is just disobedience toward that standard...or as dictionary.com says:

- noun

1. transgression of divine law. the sin of Adam

2. any act regarded as such a transgression, esp. a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle

3. any reprehensible or regrettable action, behavior, lapse, etc.; great fault or offense: It's a sin to waste time.

C. (from v 10) we have not sinned

he goes on to talk about how we believe that sin s relative...and we begin to redifine it. the example he gave was "Oh, I don't get angry, I justhave a short fuse..." we just begin to make excuses and try to justify our misbehavior. LAME

some other things he says about darkness

1) it's an illusion--> he says hypocrisy is not saying don't do something and then doing it, but rather using religious activity to cover up your sin or using your theology to justify your sin...check the Pharisees on this one

2) it's only corporate--> meaning that it's only in the system...meaning what we do is just a byproduct of the corrupt structures that run our lives... where's the responsibility in that? just takes us right back to the blame game...where everyone else is at fault. and we all know that's not true.

and one last point that he brought up that i thought was just fabulous:

**confession doesn't restore union, but communion**

our union with God can NEVER be broken...it's just that our sin cause a riff in the communication department. our relationship doesn't change if we don't confess, it just sends us on this trip to allow the enemy to condemn us. our sin has been paid for...PERIOD.

this week though, he touched on a few points that i'll hi-light and call it a day.

i'm just gonna put up his diagram of the civil war that goes on in us daily...

maybe later?!

2009-10-02T19:51:00.004-05:00

many-a-things have happened since the last post...only Lord knows how'd i'd love to recount them all, but the age is catching up with me...i can't remember a thang! and now you'll never know cause i'm bout to go "Taste STL" with Mo.

Adam...lonely?! i think not

2009-09-20T21:36:00.006-05:00

so i've been trying to find a church here in STL...don't see myself actually landing one until about january...we'll see. church shopping/hopping...whatever you wanna call it is no easy task. especially when you've come from a few solid places that you compare everywhere else to...but my main reason for writing today is because today's pastor said that Adam was lonely in the Garden, which is why God made Eve...no i didn't discount his authority to preach the Word of God on this point alone, but i just wanted to explore this statement a little.

i think i have to HIGHLY disagree with the idea that Adam was lonely in the Garden. He was there before sin had entered the world, which i take as Adam had no need. no need for affection, no need for anything because all that he was was completely satisfied in God and His presence. Adam would not have known any better had God not expressed that it was not good...THIS one thing was the only thing that God saw as "not good" and this was only so because God knew that Adam alone could not "be fruitful and multiply" as He would later instruct Adam and his new helper.

i think i've been cursed to have had such great teaching in the past...teaching that causes me to STOP and actually THINK about what i'm being taught in the "church." Praise the Lord for His Spirit that raises red flags and helps us to discern truth from the pulpit. so many people go to church and believe they are getting 100% truth. it's just not that simple. we have to search the Scriptures for Scripture's sake...we CANNOT take everything our pastors say at face value as absolute...pastors are men...

SEEK THE LORD FOR YOURSELF!

(i'm off my soapbox now, thanks for reading)

play with fire? you get burned...

2009-09-16T10:47:00.005-05:00

don't play with fire...don't try to "manage your sin"...get rid of it--now and fast. the flesh is so weak. even when the heart has good intentions, speaking words of truth, the flesh will always find a loophole, will push the limits and will always find itself very comfortable doing the things it's good at--destroying you...that's the ONE thing it's faithful in.

don't think you can do it on your own. don't play games. be real, understand that the enemy is prowling around and laughs at you when you fall. he's so proud of himself when you fall...don't give him the pleasure.

don't set yourself up for destruction. you never know how many other people you'll affect.

oh my, karen!

2009-09-11T19:09:00.006-05:00

today was the first experiential bout with the massage table. all i can say is... (now say this with a british accent) "please sir, may i have another?" I called yesterday and scheduled an appointment for a massage... i roll up there today, and feel so much better afterwards! Ms. Karen hooked it up! i'm definitely going to have to go back there. i got the chance to talk to Karen about working for K-Life and asked her how she got into massage. she said she's been doing it for about 7 years and before that was an occupational therapist, but got out of that because of the politics of health insurance. she said her conscience wouldn't let her rest...so she got out. she explained how much she loves massage and how God can take the bad and work them for good...

this is proof that God hears the prayers of the righteous...not that i'm super righteous or anything...TRUST ME! on my way to the massage parlor...do they call em parlors still? anyway on my way i asked the Lord to allow me an opportunity to have a conversation with my therapist...and BAM there it is...an opening. I wasn't too sure where to take the conversation after that, but at least i know a little about karen. relationships take time. she really worked it out though. i left there feeling much better...i almost had this sense that as she was massaging me, she was praying for me, but who knows?! needless to say, i had a great time, and will mos def be returning to get another

round 2:
i was talking to the one and only nikkie c yesterday and had a revelation. there are people in your life that come and go...PERIOD. the problem that ihave is that i want to hold on to all of my relationships. i feel burdened if i let people go...i honestly think this stems from my abandonment and rejection issues i used to have about my dad never being around...but i'm no therapist...it's only an uneducated guess into the underlying thread plaguing most girls in today's society.

so i've come to accept the fact that i can't hold on to everyone that i come into contact with. some people you just gotta let go...unfortunately. no, that doesn't mean i can't pray for them, but i don't have to stress myself out in order to find validation in who i am through them...or maybe the stress will just give me an excuse to go see karen. ;)

some people are just in you life for a season. in and out...that is all. there's a million people that i remember from earlier in my life that i've stressed about trying to keep up with, and then when i think about it, i realize that they've already let me go...so why am i stressing? they've done nothing to invest in me through this time or give me reason to think they want to maintain relationship, so why am i worried about it? am i right or wrong in thinking this way? honest opinions greatly appreciated...

pray for me...

late knights and early mournings

2009-09-10T19:30:00.008-05:00

i have the greatest job...ok well the greatest job would be getting paid to eat, travel, and take amazing pictures...i'm workin on that. but until then, i'm working for the one and only URBAN K-life...in The Lou or "STL" or The 314 also known as Saint Louis (STL is the airport code for booking flights, just thought i'd throw that ...for those of you ebonically impaired. i'm outta the office at about 2:30ish where i then go home and spend countless hours uploading all my cds to my iTunes.

so as of day 3, i'm 57 cds uploaded, and have 39 more to go...on top of the stuff that's already on my computer that i must scramble to figure out how to get it to my iTunes because i no longer have the cds...for whatever reason...and behold...the files are protected!!!!

so as i meticulously upload each disc i have been watching seasons of the Cosby show...fo real...i'm on the last episode of disc one of season three as we speak...and there goes the bell..last cd for the night uploaded. i'm takin a break now for the night...last night i was up til 1 in the morning...can't do that again, i got back problems like nobody's bidness. and my shoulders are KILLIN me...that's why i'm going to Massage Envy tomorrow! oh man...don't even worry bout me! i'm on that table like a fat kid on a chocolate cake.

oh yeah more about them cds...those 39 that i have to upload? they're all mix cds. so i'm going to have to manually enter in all the artist and song info...LAME...

on to important things: life in The LOU (that's Saint Louis) have been going....well, let's just say they've been going. i'm way over my head in this K-Life thing. we've got so much going on that i am struggling to keep it all straight...still trying to find where i fit in, and what my responsibilities are. i'm gettin there though.

oh but get this...so this guy that we're workin with, Ed Watkins...(loves me by the way) has been working on this VIP program to get people to volunteer...pretty much we just do whatever Ed says cause he's the kinda guy to raise $27 million in one year...he's a cool guy, honestly....he just gets things done! so anyway..he invites us to this prayer breakfast...unbeknownst to me that this was an annual thing that happens in St. Charles county...so i wake up at the crack of dawn to haul myself outta bed to get all dolled-up (and if you know me, that took about 10 minutes)

INTERLUDE: just put in disc 2 of season 3 of the Cosby Show

where was i...? oh yeah! so we drive out to St. Charles and what do i see? power suits, power ties, men and women playin the business world...this was a stinkin Businessmens Prayer Breakfast...so many big wigs in this place i almost peed my pants. TWICE (takes me back to 6th grade... the second to last time i messed myself. we won't talk about the last time.) so as i look back on that morning i try to understand why i was at that breakfast...1)i couldn't work any farther from the business world, and 2) last time i checked, i had 2 X chromosomes...but then i remember...I DO WHATEVER ED WANTS ME TO! and there it is...the answer to every question about why i do what i do...Mr. Ed says to.

until next time...Rudy awaits me.

Livin in The Lou

2009-09-02T16:56:00.006-05:00

well, i finally have a steady address...at least for the next 3 years...unless the place gets ransacked by the mob living on The Hill, or Jesus takes me home. i've officially moved to st louis and now work for the urban k-life there. "urban k-life" i won't do it, but why does it have to have the urban tag attached?? whatever! that's the way things roll around here. it's a pretty sweet place to live...for now, until the neighbors bust a cap or break in to my place that you really don't have to "break in to" all you really have to do is gently tap on the lock and it'll open up! ok, well i guess it's really not that easy, but might as well be!

since being here i've got a few rules...1) to work out everyday except sunday, 2) no tv until after 6pm, 3) get to bed at a decent hour so i can wake up and hang with Jesus first thing, 3) keep the gas/electricity bills to a minimum, 4) do my job and do it well...that's it for now...

here's the status on those:
1) have YET to work out, let alone set up a workout schedule
2) the first thing i turn on when i get home @ 2:30 in the afternoon is the TV (some days)
3) haven't gotten the bills yet...only been here for 10 days
4) i'm a little behind on my small group planning, haven't designed a t-shirt, and i haven't been to one school lunch...they've been in school for about 2, maybe 3 weeks....SLACKER

well, that's it...more later
Holla

oh my...life goes on

2008-05-09T21:09:00.002-05:00

so the insitute has finished...and thus begins REAL life...got to find a job, need money, need a place to live, need food, and maybe a new car somewhere down the road. husband...yes please. guess i'm just bored and have nothing to do. there's really no reason for me to be blogging right now, but whatever!

Really?

2008-02-05T07:48:00.000-06:00

it turns out that we only have seven weeks left together...

2008-02-01T17:32:00.001-06:00

divine conspiracy?? who is d.w and what authority does he have to tell me that the "kingdom of God" is here and now?? bull crap. there is NO way that the kingdom of God is here-especially in the physical realm...if so explain to me earthquakes, fires, and other natural disasters...i thought in the kingdom, there would be no destruction??

maybe i'm misunderstanding what he means by the kingdom of heaven/God--but that's ok because he's freely interpreted the Holy Scriptures to fit his agenda. i guess there are people who are "unworthy" of this treasure of the gospel...whose core is the kingdom here and now, not redemption of Christ. but don't let me step on your toes...i'm not calling them pigs or dogs, i'm just saying that they are unfit to eat and digest the nourishing Truths of God because it won't help them...

get off me willard, i'm SO over you right now

elder? l-ship team? deacon? what's the diff?

2008-01-25T15:20:00.000-06:00

so the biblia mentions qualifications for those wanting to be an elder in the church...FOR MEN...what about the ladies? so maybe a leadership team isn't as "official" but i assume that to be a part of the l-ship team of a church, YOU MUST STAY AWAKE IN PRECEPTS?? am i right, or am i right??

what the fat?! mi hermano y yo estamos bien! odio todos los peleos, pero alguna veces, son necesarios. el no entiende las cosas de mujeres. pero no puedo expectar mucho de un chico que piensa que....no ira alla...quisas puedo aprender a comprender como funciona el mente de hombres, pero no puedo estar seguro....deja me ver...

se la vie

Older brothers...??? COMPLETELY OVERRATED

2008-01-24T19:29:00.001-06:00

so i've taken to adopting a fellow classmate as my older brother, and it seems that he's failing in every sense of the word. i try to love him, and i gets NO love. i try to encourage him...REJECTED! maybe i'm failing? could it be that trying to earnestly hold one to a higher standard warrants rejection and a lack of reciprocation of such affection? perhaps i shall seek counseling for this. i know several people who have developed sophisticated counseling guides from which they could assist me. Lord willing of course.

well, only time will tell if i'm to be loved...

until then, i guess i'll just wait on it............

p.s. i'm still waiting.......................................

Three days only!!! Tommy Lee Jones @ KI

2008-01-22T15:01:00.000-06:00

so i was fascinated @ how much TLJ had to say on the purpose, workings, and fulfillment of the Holy Spirit today.

it was pretty stinkin awesome. imagine: yet another person referencing the infamous dupree scovell...perhaps there is a remnant of such a person in THE fanny pack?? one might wonder.

but on a more serious note, i suggest that we expand the kaua'i property in order to fit this new classroom, which is actually being built as i type this...i figure if, at this point, there's only enough space to build .5 bathrooms, then we may need to get some more property...but then again, i could be wrong. speaking with some of the colleagues, i came to the understanding that perhaps this new classroom would take the form of bunks...you know, as in beds...and that students would literally be sitting on top of each other.

i guess only the final product, that i won't be able to use, will alter my perception on this ridiculousness that i call insanity...ps. did i mention there's no space for a new building??!