if you know anything about anything when it comes to my relationships, then you'll know that more often than not i've been the pursuer...just last week, i had a revelation from our Father that it's ok to be the pursuer in some relationships...just not ALL. so in regards to that "special someone" if you will, the Lord directed me to make the decision to no longer be the pursuer. no longer be the one to "keep things going..." no longer be the one to make sure there's still something there. He told me that i need to learn to TRUST HIM IN ALL THINGS...including being pursued in a more intimate relationship with man.
i realized that my pursuit was merely a way for me to keep the thread going, to have control, and lastly...to feel secure in the relationship. we all know the only relationship that needs security is the one with God. and that was secured some 2000 years ago with the death of Jesus on the cross and then personally for me when i chose to lay down my life, my wants, needs, and desires to pursue the One i'm ALLOWED to pursue.
i'm not going to lie, it was a very difficult thing to accept, but that's where the trust came in. God knows better than anyone what's best for me, what's best for him, and whether or not we're for each other. the time and distance between us is God's doing...FOR HIS GLORY! just like all other things are done for His glory--not my comfort, pleasure, happiness...those are all SECONDARY.
so even as i write this, i'm filled with confusion, heartache, and i'm being tossed about in a whirlwind of emotions, only settled by my faith that God is who He says He is...a Father to the fatherless, One near to the broken-hearted...
So here i am...all of me, take my life... and let it be pleasing to you oh Lord. Letting go hurts, but i'd much rather let go, than hold onto something that the Lord is saying isn't for me...whether it be now or later...
